Confession 008 (Sedated)
I can’t help but think about how you’ll hate
me or you’ll hate you for what you made me.
I’m getting dizzy and you’re sobering up. All
I can breathe is what I’ve known from the
start: I will hurt you. I will bring you to your
knees and make your insides burn. Or maybe
I’m pretending, not wanting to believe you
could be good for me. Oh no, nothing’s ever
good for me. I can believe what I want, as
can you, but we both know the truth. This will
not end well. Prove to me it’s worth it, though
I know that it’s not. Break me so I can rebuild.
Confession 007 (We’re Still So Young)
It’s your eyes, he said, they’re
beautiful. The first thing I noticed.
And here I am, just a lonely girl,
desperate for an ounce of affection
and, more importantly, attention.
Always waiting to be swept off
my feet. You like to think I don’t
see your halfway glances, studying
my face, inscribing every detail
through the depths of your soul. I’m
overwhelmed with indescribable
feelings at the sight of you leaving.
Alexithymia, it’s called. That
inability to explain your emotions.
It’s our flaw, you know; that is what
will keep me from being honest.
[edited 11/20/11]
Confession 006 (everyways)
up again down again sideways everyways
i’m moving through hours in a matter of seconds
the days are endless stretching into each other
so much to do done fast or not at all
up again down again sideways everyways
suddenly i’m taking refuge in a fort of blankets
seconds minutes hours days weeks months of solitude
it’s all the same anymore always isolated and removed
up again down again sideways everyways
simultaneously everywhere and nowhere
what day is it i don’t even know it runs together
there’s just idea after idea after plan after plan
up again down again sideways everyways
i’m not here nowadays nothing but a figment
a vague memory of a person who felt
but here i am in my bed watching from above
up again down again sideways everyways
Confession 005 (Best Watch Your Step)
And with a hard, swift kick to the back of your
knees, you’re tumbling down again. Heartbroken
hands fall flat against cold pavement. I’ve been
misplaced before, but this is new and feeling
absurdly unreal. I’ve been living with the deepest
of the damned in a smoky sunrise pipe dream;
watch out or the natives will steal your beauty. With
a single step you’re losing your skin. You’re watching
your O-positive glory wane into a cheshire smile, invisible
to all but those who can really see. It’s a trap, get out of
there, run! run! Nothing is obtainable amidst that first lonely
sunlight. I stay up remembering. And then… you’re gone.
[edited 11/21/11]
Confession 004 (It’s all recycled.)
I want to write down everything, every
thought that ever crawled out of my tired ego.
So many endless words that I am incapable of
putting onto paper, out of fear for apprehension.
There’s a quiet, almost sad infatuation with
self-caused writer’s block, which is why I’m
alone, recording words that are easy to disassemble;
I’ve been using left-over sentiments from the start.
